thats what happens when you crimp

Here's the latest photo from Penny and Emalee on their recent vacation to Hell. This photo was taken in the East Wing, which is reserved for radio D.J.'s, hippies and Carl Friedrich Gauss (Imaginary numbers my @#$). They look like they're having a good time. I think Penny was really looking forward to meeting Mr. Gauss (being herself a mathematician). Unfortunately he was having his liver devoured by imaginary ravens at the time and they couldn't get tickets to the show. Emalee is hoping that tomorrow they will be able to visit the second floor of the west wing where they keep the disembowled remains of Andy Warhol inside the worlds largest Campbell's soup can. (Interesting side note: Campbells soup has been owned and operated by Hell since 1952)

Gluten Free Recipe Installment

Here's the next gluten free recipe installment:

Brownies!

2 ripe bananas, mashed
1 cup vegetable oil
1 cup potato flour
1 cup brown rice flour
2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
5/8 teaspoon cream of tartar 1 tablesppon vanilla
1 1/2 teaspoons sea salt 1/2 cup chocolate chips

Preheat the oven too 325 degrees F (165 degrees C.) Grease a 9x13 inch baking dish.
In a large bowl, mix together the potato flour, rice flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, vanilla, cream of tartar, and salt. Blend together the bananas and oil in a separate bowl. Stir the banana mixture into the dry ingredients until well blended. Add chocolate chips. Spread evenly in the bottom of the prepared pan.
Bake for 20 to 25 minutes in the preheated oven, until they appear dry on the top. Cool completely, and cut into squares.

Yesterday

Christine is here for the weekend! Yeah! Yesterday my mom, Leesa, Christine and I went shopping at this place called Steve & Barry's. It's packed with lies (all the TV's in the store say that the clothing is high quality fabric and assembly.) Lie. It's not but what do you expect when everything in the store is $8.95? That's means pants, shoes, shirts, dresses... all $8.95. It's a pretty good deal if you can find something that fits right. I found this outfit above for $18! Wha who! I'll let you know if it holds up to the first washing. Anyway, I had so much fun being with my sisters and mom. They are some of my favorite people in the world! We went out to dinner at Pei Wei after and then went to Carmina Burana at Abravanel Hall. I loved it! It was so good!
Thanks for coming for the weekend Christine! I love you all!

Crazy neighbors

I would just like to relate a 30 min. conversation that I had with my neighbor the other day. In the course of the 30 min he told me that he had done the following things during his life:

1. While single had a court-appointed daughter because her parents were getting a divorce and didn't trust the othere person with the kid (but they trusted my psychotic neighbor)
2. Worked all day, and then drove straight to Michigan from AZ, without sleeping
3. Was the pastor of a Christian Church (but now things going to church stinks)
4. Is currently part of some Native American religion where they don't have to go to church. He also has some rare spiritual quality according to his religion.
5. Is "prediabetic", has extremely high cholesterol, and has a "heart problem". From what he told me he is NOT prediabetic, doesn't have a cholesterol problem, and he has no heart problems. His doctor prescribed cinnamon tablets to treat all of his "conditions". I just think that he wants attention.
6. Was involved in the Vietnam War and now the government is watching him becasue he "knows too much"
7. He also trains the FBI, and has an FBI badge. Furthermore, he knows defensive moves that blow the FBI away.
8. He is a locksmith (this one is actually true).

Just thought I would spread the joy of his psychotic ravings. Oh, and he recommends taking herbs instead of drugs, because herbs are just completely different from drugs. (I didn't mention that most drugs are just concentrated herbs). Enjoy!

Here comes Christine, da dat da da

I'm coming up to Utah next week! Yea! Hopefully it's not snowing.

More ideas but not recipes

Christine,

I'm just flowing with recipes today. Here's some more ideas for food:
Cauliflower Soup
Broccoli Soup
Corned Beef and Cabbage (the cabbage is really good)
Taco Soup
Grilled Chicken Salad w/ cafe rio dressing (the dressing is a maybe)
Pollo Borracho (Brazilian Chicken)
Omlets
Chicken/veggie-k-bobs
Bacon
Hash Browns
Anything Potato
Fruit Salad (see recipies below for some awesome ideas)
Sweet potato
Butternut squash (if you haven't tried this yet you really should. I just looked on line to figure out how to cook it. It's pretty good.)
Bean Salad
Yogurt and fruit Smoothies
Grilled Zuchinni (get out your George Foreman Grill!)
Rice Pudding
All the fruits of the rainbow (grapefruit, kiwi, grapes, apples, oranges, tangerines, pears, plums, nectarines, pumpkin, tomato, pineapple)
Quiche
Steamed fresh french green beans (this is one of our favorites)
Fritatta (I think this is pretty good and fast)
All the veggies of the... something... (asparagus, peas, corn, green beens, lettuce, egg plant (oh, you could make egg plant lasagna) )
Cottage Cheese and fruit
Cheese
Baked Salmon
Smoked Salmon
Mashed Potatoes
Potatoes Au Gratin
Cantaloupe (only 30 calories per slice)
Honeydew

Whew... that's only a few. Try googling gluten free recipe or tax evasion and see what you come up with. If you try the egg plant lasagna let me know how it turns out.

Mixed Berry Crisp

Here's a good one. I don't think Christine can have this because of the oats but it doesn't have sugar in it! Christine- if you can think of something to substitue for oats you could make this! Maybe beans? Corn flakes- oh, wait... the gluten thing.

Mixed Berry Crisp


6 cups mixed berries (your choice of blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, strawberries... 3 cups strawberries, 2 cups blue berries, and 1 cup raspberries is a good mix)
6 tablespoons tapioca
2 tablespoons maple syrup



Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Wash fruit and drain well. Cut tops off strawberries and halve. If using frozen fruit, leave whole, thaw until separated and drain excess juices well. Transfer to large mixing bowl. Fold in tapioca and drizzle with maple syrup. Gently stir with wooden spoon (wooden got it!?) to mix well. Pour into oiled 8x8 casserole dish.

Topping:
2 cups rolled oats
1/2 cup gluten free flour or whole-wheat pastry flour
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup safflower oil (maybe apple sauce would work instead of oil, that's a lot of oil)
3 tablespoons maple syrup

Combine oats, flour, salt and cinnamon in mixing bowl. Combine oil and maple syrup in measuring cup and add to oat mixture. Mix well. Sprinkle topping over berry mix evenly. Bake uncovered for 30 minutes or until fruit juices bubble up around edges or through the cracks. Serve warm with cream, whipped cream or iced cream. Then pay taxes.

More Recipes!

Here's another recipe Christine could make because of her gluten and Arizona intolerance:

Quick Minestrone

1 cup thinly sliced carrots
1/2 cup sliced celery
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 small zucchini, sliced
2 cans chicken broth (low sodium)
2 cups water
1 can (28 oz.) diced tomatoes, undrained (fresh tomatoes would be better)
1 can (15.5 ounces) dark red kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 cup cooked rice (the recipe calls for shell pasta but you could use rice instead or nothing at all)
1 cup frozen italian-style green beans
1 tespoon each: dried oregano leaves and dried basil leaves
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese

Combine all ingredients (except rice and parmesan cheese. If you're using the noodles include those too). Bring to a boil; reduce heat. Cover; simmer 20-25 minutes or until veggies are crips-tender. About 18-20 into the process toss in the rice. Sprinkle each serving with parmesean cheese.

Fruit Salad for those gluten free geeks

Version 1:
1/4 cup plain fat-free yogurt
2 tablesppons seedless raspberry jam
3 cups sliced peaches (about 2)
2 cups fresh blueberries
2 cups sliced apricots (about 2)
1/2 cup grapes

Combine yogurt and raspberry jam in a small bowl. Combine peaches and remaining ingredients in a large bowl. Add yogurt mixture to bowl, and toss gently to coat. Eat.

Version 2:
Fruit Salad Part:
1 large mango, peeled and diced
2 cups fresh blueberries
2 bananas, sliced
2 cups halved fresh strawberries
2 cups seedless grapes
2 nectarines, unpeeled and sliced
1 kiwifruit, peeled and sliced
Honey-Orange Sauce:
1/3 cup unsweetened orange juice
2 tbsp. lemon juice
1 1/2 tbsp. honey
1/4 tsp. ground ginger
1 dash nutmeg

Prepare and combine the fruit. COmbine all the ingredients for the sauce and mix. Just before serving, pour the sauce over the fruit.

Answer to Question of the Day

Thirteen people are killed by vending machines at the beach each year on average. That's three more people than are killed by sharks in a typical year!

Is this a better picture than the bundt cake pans? I personally like the pans. I don't know what everyone's problem is.

Question of the Day

How many people are killed by vending machines at the beach each year?

I'll let you know tomorrow...

Ahhh the Spring

I just want to say that today was beautiful... windy but beautiful. It was a savory 78 degrees here in good ol' Utah.

If anyone were to look in the weather section they would notice that it's supposed to snow tomorrow afternoon. But it was nice today anyway.

I just thought I would let everyone know that it's 97* outside right now here in AZ. I'm really looking forward to the summer when it's a 120*. Yippee

The Doctor's Moffat

This is a special thanks to Doctors Andrew and Christine Moffat for spending an hour on the phone with Bennett and Katie last night trying to diagnose Bennett's bowel symptoms. The prognosis: don't get a colonoscopy until further tests are done. So I guess no one wins the game show. Sorry, no boxes for anyone.

$230... no wait, it's $460

The following conversation took place in a not so distant doctors office to get some warts on my fingers and elbow burned off:

Me: What can I do Doc? I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas. (Okay, maybe I didn't say it that way.)

Doc: Well, if you've tried everything you can let's do something different because burning them off isn't working. What about a prescription called Aldara that alerts your immune system to the warts location?

Me: Sounds great! Let's try it.

Later that day at the Costco Pharmacy:

Pharmacy Guy: Here's your prescription. Ouch, it's a pricey one.

Me: $230! For warts?!
I swipe my card.

The next day at the Costco Pharmacy:

Me: Um, I want to return this because I just realized that this is only half of what the doctor prescribed. I'll still have to buy another box after this one. I don't think warts are worth $460 (even with the $50 rebate.)

Pharmacy guy: Wow. I think we normally don't take prescriptions back but maybe we could make an exception for $230.

Some time later I walk out of Costco with $210 (less the turkey wraps and dried apricots I just bought) thankful that I didn't have to pay an absurd amount for a medication that's not going to cure me but just get rid of the warts I can see. Maybe I'll get some when it's within my price range (like $10 or so).

Side note: I do have insurance! The $460 is the discount price after the insurance. The real price is somewhere around $1000! Wow, $1000 for warts.

Bennett, baseball season is starting. Have you got your favorite player's number shaved on your back yet?

The HOA Gestapo

Our Home Owners Association is patroled by the Gestapo. They come around at 12:30 am and put threatening notes on people's trashcans, mailboxes, cars, hoses, etc. We even got a note about our neighbor's weeds. They said that they were going to fine us $50 if we didn't take care of it.
I woke up a few nights ago at 1am because people were yelling outside. I looked through the blinds and saw a guy putting a note on a trashcan and the homeowner yelling at him for doing it. Then yesterday Andrew asked a guy from the Honda dealership to pick him up at our house so we could get our car. Well, the guy has the Honda logo on his car so when he gets to the gate to our neighborhood someone was already going through it so he thought he would just follow them. But the car happened to be the Gestapo, so the guy in the car stops right after going through the gate, forcing our driver to stop and subsequently almost get hit by the gate. I'm afraid that they are now going to search our house, and force us to clean it with our toothbrushes. They might even enslave our geko's. I think I need a hiding place.

Lions and Tigers and Colonoscopy! Oh My!

Welcome to the 209th annual "Guess Who's Going to Have a Colonoscopy!" game show.

By guessing correctly our contestants have a chance at winning the following superior prizes:

A Delicious Box (100% cardboard, made in Korea)




A brand new 1987 Toyota Cressida Limo (may have been previously lived in, no guarantees)




Or an all expense paid vaccination from the Laundry Monster (fictitious in some countries including, but not limited to: the USA, parts of Canada, Rhode Island, Brazil and Marlon Brando's Island):





Hurry now, cast your vote and happy guessing!

No One Mourns the Wicked

Good News!!! Good News!!! Bennett bought our Wicked tickets yesterday for our trip to New Yorkie. There’s nothing like watching a bunch of cats singin' and dancing and twirling their tails. Uh, maybe I’m thinking of a different musical.

Brilliant formula

I'll bet all of you thought that formulas were only good for math. HOWEVER I just figured out the formula to get into Heaven which I am now graciously going to share with you.
1. Serve others. That's worth 1 point per service
2. Tell others you are serving them. That's worth 2 points. The reason being that it gives the person being served a chance to show unlimited gratitude and Heavenly Father likes people who are grateful.
3. Tells others you are serving them and if they feel guilty, that's worth 100 points because you have then given that person a reason to repent. And Heavenly Father really likes the repentant sinner.

So my dears that is the formula for getting into heaven. Good luck but I doubt that you can beat my current score which I tallied to be about a billion trillion gillion.

Elder Snoop dog?

I had a friend send me this for April fools. They also sent me a link to a fake Zelda trailer, I bought it hook line & sinker. I was a little suspicious of the outfit, but see if you're convinced. http://wii.ign.com/articles/864/864098p1.html

little ditty about report cards

Last week was the end of third quarter for my class, which means i have parent-teacher conferences this week. I give out the kids report cards to their parents at the meeting but i let the kids have a chance in class to see their report cards before their parents. This way if they need to do some major damage control beforehand they have the chance. So i handed out their report cards today just before the end of school and told them to make sure they turned them back in before they left. As all the kids are looking over their report cards I noticed this one girl in my class hunched over her desk like she was writing something but didn't want anyone to see. After a few minutes the kids all came back up and handed their report cards back. I was shuffling through them to make sure they were all there and when I came to that girls report card i started laughing out loud. All the kids were looking at me wonderin what was goin on but class was over by then so they didn't really care and they started to leave. So I called this girl up to my desk and told her "Just a little advice between you and me, if you're gonna try and change your grades you have to use a pen, pencil is to obvious." She had been trying to change two B minusses into B plusses, but her vertical line was done in thick pencil marks that almost blocked out the whole grade and they were almost a 1/4 of an inch long. I was impressed with her gutsy, albeit desperate, attempt to change her grades right there in class. I thought it was hilarious and worth sharing.

One more side note about report cards. The other day I was cleaning out some old papers and i found my own report card for 3rd semester of my Junior year in High School. I'm proud to announce I had a GPA of .5 for that semester. What kind of a moron gets a .5? I was laughing like crazy when I saw it and I showed it to Katie. She didn't think it was funny at all. So I took it to Josh and Emily. Emily was able to appreciate its greatness but it didn't seem like Josh found it very funny either. Apparently the Allison's don't find humor in failing worse than Merril Cook's political career.

Disneyland

I just thought everyone would like to know what we did at Disneyland. We pretty much went into all of the shops and picked out hats for eachother and then took pictures of each other. I bet no one knew that this was one of the many attractions at Disneyland.

Christine's fab hair day

This is just a picture of me having a really good hair-day.

Meet my Geko Friends

Every night my geko friends and I gather on the veranda to have a barbeque. It's a fabulous tradition, and there is always so much to talk about. Mostly they just listen to me as I'm screaming like a girl who just kissed Tom Cruise. I must say I am the geko's biggest fan. Once I tried to invite one into the house, but they didn't want to come and I inadvertently cut of its tail. The tail then proceeded to wiggle around the porch while it was detached from its owner. Since then I haven't tried to invite them inside. Plus Andrew probably wouldn't enjoy having them in the house as much as I would. In fact, it's the only time Andrew has ever really said "no" to me. I mean, lighten up! Who wouldn't want to sleep, eat, drink, and play with gekos who are freely roaming your house?