You know you have Celiac Disease if..

Here are some funny jokes about Celiac Disease:


You know you have Celiac disease if:
if you dont remember what crackers are supposed to taste like.
if you actually have nightmares about reading labels.
if you compare all of your food to "normal-people-food."
if you don't lick stamps.
if your mother is afraid to do the cooking
if you sit on the phone with a pharmacy for an hour to find out what type of starch they use just so that you can take a generic Tylenol and be-rid of your headache.
if the construction workers working on the house next door to you can EASILY substitute your bread for one of their bricks.
if you sold your house to buy groceries
if you sold your first child to buy groceries (even if you did not have one at the time)
if you can find "hidden gluten" in food labels in the blink of an eye,
if your family couldn't find them if they had a magnifying glass, dictionary, and Ph.D.
if you've actually suggested cardboard for dinner.
if you've actually eaten cardboard for dinner.
if you wept the first time you tried to make gluten free sugar cookies
if you accept that fact that cardboard probably taste better than gluten free sugar cookies anyway.
if you get a medical exemption out of cooking class because they are baking bread.
if you've been caught licking a discarded Twinkie wrapper.
if you weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.
if you weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.if you've "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner engagement.
if a 7 Course Meal is a 1 Course Meal for you. Lettuce.
if you've ever driven more than 40 miles to buy flour or a cookie.
if it takes you 4 hours to grocery shop and your eyesight is ruined.
if you hyperventilate when passing by the bakery counter.
if you've ever deliberately rammed your cart into a Shredded Wheat display in a fit of rage..
if you'd gladly pay any price for a pretzel that doesn't taste likesawdust, or bread that doesn't taste like an old shoe.
if your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out PlayDoh.
if your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.
if you've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your mayo.
if you've brought a suitcase full of food with you on a cruise.
if you pace and circle the store three or four times when deciding on a new product, pick it up look at the ingredients, each time. Only to leave without it, figuring why bother.
if you just discovered how to make flour out of turnips.
if you show up at the annual church pancake breakfast with a mask and sardine lettuce rollups
if having solid poop is the highlight of your day.
if you have actually considered using a gluten-free bagel for a hockey puck
if you've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" without your face twitching
if you have ever dreamt about Wonder Bread.
if you hide the gluten-free cookies when guests come over, so they dont eat them.
if you know exactly when Post added barley flavoring back to the Fruity Pebbles and you're ticked.
if you cried when you saw your usually careful husband brushing the crumbs off his hands (from making a gluten-containing sandwich) RIGHT OVER the open utensil drawer
if people roll their eyes at you when you say "no thank you" to someone's gluten filled dessert
if you've refused things as "simple" as gum or sucking candies because you don't know if they're safe.
if you talk about endoscopy's and colonoscopy's like these are normal everyday occurrences that everyone gets nearly every year.
if you've ever watched your own -scopy, and asked the doc to point out anything cool.