Logan Canyon Revisited

Some more pictures from Logan.

EEGAH!!!!!

Katie and I went to a ward party tonight (free dinner). Then we came home and watched an amazing movie on public television called "Eegah". Made in 1962 and directed by Arch Hall Sr. and starring his son Arch Hall Jr., Marylin Manning and the indefatigable Richard Kiel, Eegah is a timeless classic about "the crazed love of a prehistoric giant for a ravishing teenage girl!" I could write pages upon pages of praise for this movie but I think the movie poster says it better than I can:

This is Eegah.

Eegah falls in love with Roxy when he finds her lost in the desert:

But Roxy already loves this dude (personally my favorite character in the film):

It's a love triangle Shakespeare would be proud of. I won't ruin the ending for you but I will say that any film with a scene like this is movie magic:

You might also recognize Eegah as the psycho nail-in-the-head guy from "Happy Gilmore":

Truly one of the great actors of our generation.

He, he, he

Well, this comic is no good. There's no caption. That's too bad because it made me chuckle. You'll just have to imagine what it said.

Just kidding, it said, "The body is made up of millions and millions of crumbs." How do you like that?

Getting Colder

It's starting to get colder up here in Logan. I am already anxious for it to snow as soon as possible so I can go snowboarding. The leaves in Logan canyon are just starting to change colors so on saturday I went to take some pictures. I got caught in a downpour of a rainstorm and had to hike two miles sopping wet back to my car. But I got some cool pictures showing the beautiful canyon and fall colors.

While taking this picture (above) I slipped on a rock and fell into the river. Cold Water!

Katie Held Hostage

About 20 minutes ago I got home from the gym. I called out to Katie, whom I thought was upstairs, "Woman, where's my dinner!!!" Imagine my surprise when I heard her reply coming from outside rather than from upstairs. "What is she doing outside without my permission" was my first thought but when I reached the backdoor I noticed a bunch of trash all over the porch and Katie standing back on the grass away from the porch as if she was afraid to come inside.

"Oh thank goodness you're home" she said, and I started thinking that something really was wrong. "I can't get inside until you kill it" Katie said while looking near the side of the house. I stepped outside and to my horror I beheld:



A COMMON GRASSHOPPER!!! DUNDUNDUNNNNNN!!!! Katie had gone outside to start some charcoal for dinner and had been held hostage buy this little guy for who knows how long. She wouldn't walk back inside for fear he would jump on her and, I can only assume, rip open her jugular. She tried throwing trash at it to scare it off but the little guy's lust for blood would not be so easily diverted. Here's a picture of Katie's arsenal:

I'm surprised the water bottle didn't scare him off. I thought this incident was so funny that I had to take pictures and share it on her blog. Now that I'm done writing I should proabably go scare the grasshopper away so that Katie can come back inside.

You know you have Celiac Disease if..

Here are some funny jokes about Celiac Disease:


You know you have Celiac disease if:
if you dont remember what crackers are supposed to taste like.
if you actually have nightmares about reading labels.
if you compare all of your food to "normal-people-food."
if you don't lick stamps.
if your mother is afraid to do the cooking
if you sit on the phone with a pharmacy for an hour to find out what type of starch they use just so that you can take a generic Tylenol and be-rid of your headache.
if the construction workers working on the house next door to you can EASILY substitute your bread for one of their bricks.
if you sold your house to buy groceries
if you sold your first child to buy groceries (even if you did not have one at the time)
if you can find "hidden gluten" in food labels in the blink of an eye,
if your family couldn't find them if they had a magnifying glass, dictionary, and Ph.D.
if you've actually suggested cardboard for dinner.
if you've actually eaten cardboard for dinner.
if you wept the first time you tried to make gluten free sugar cookies
if you accept that fact that cardboard probably taste better than gluten free sugar cookies anyway.
if you get a medical exemption out of cooking class because they are baking bread.
if you've been caught licking a discarded Twinkie wrapper.
if you weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.
if you weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.if you've "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner engagement.
if a 7 Course Meal is a 1 Course Meal for you. Lettuce.
if you've ever driven more than 40 miles to buy flour or a cookie.
if it takes you 4 hours to grocery shop and your eyesight is ruined.
if you hyperventilate when passing by the bakery counter.
if you've ever deliberately rammed your cart into a Shredded Wheat display in a fit of rage..
if you'd gladly pay any price for a pretzel that doesn't taste likesawdust, or bread that doesn't taste like an old shoe.
if your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out PlayDoh.
if your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.
if you've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your mayo.
if you've brought a suitcase full of food with you on a cruise.
if you pace and circle the store three or four times when deciding on a new product, pick it up look at the ingredients, each time. Only to leave without it, figuring why bother.
if you just discovered how to make flour out of turnips.
if you show up at the annual church pancake breakfast with a mask and sardine lettuce rollups
if having solid poop is the highlight of your day.
if you have actually considered using a gluten-free bagel for a hockey puck
if you've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" without your face twitching
if you have ever dreamt about Wonder Bread.
if you hide the gluten-free cookies when guests come over, so they dont eat them.
if you know exactly when Post added barley flavoring back to the Fruity Pebbles and you're ticked.
if you cried when you saw your usually careful husband brushing the crumbs off his hands (from making a gluten-containing sandwich) RIGHT OVER the open utensil drawer
if people roll their eyes at you when you say "no thank you" to someone's gluten filled dessert
if you've refused things as "simple" as gum or sucking candies because you don't know if they're safe.
if you talk about endoscopy's and colonoscopy's like these are normal everyday occurrences that everyone gets nearly every year.
if you've ever watched your own -scopy, and asked the doc to point out anything cool.

The sweetest comeover ever!

Yes, this man is my uncle.

I like to welcome myself!

Today is my first day in The Red Cloth. After months and months of constant reminding that it existed, I have decided to join the latest craze. So, hello everybody!

Ok. Nothing else going on here.

Have a good night

More Scientific Facts About Beauty

For those of you who have read Katie's post about beauty, the golden ratio and my double chin, here's more amazing scienctific splendor to be amazed splendidly by. According to the Iridium ratio this is what katie would look like if she were a school lunch lady:

And if we use the Iridium ratio again, here's what Katie and i would look like if we were smashed together to form a bandit:

All research for the Iridium ratio was funded by Marlboro so all results include a cigarette.

Instead of Doing Homework I Did This...

For my Psychology class we watched this video about the science of beauty. It's very interesting. Aparently beauty is math. It all boils down to the golden ratio which is 1 : 1.618. This mask is a diagram set to the golden ratio. This means that every portion of the mask is exactly the golden ratio based on another part of the face. For example: if the base of your nose measures 1 inch across then from one tip of your mouth to the other should measure 1.618 inches. That works for the whole body! The measure of the front tooth should be 1.618 and the side tooth should be 1. People who follow this exact measurement are the beautiful ones. The mask fits almost perfectly on men and women like supermodels and Tom Cruise. Here's an example of a model who's face is almost exactly the golden ratio:

So how did Bennett and I measure up? I'll show you:

So the important thing is that we have character. Beauty doesn't matter anyway. Here's my face photoshopped to fit the mask perfectly. I added some hair for good measure.

Personally I think my face looks better normally but hey, what do I know?

Newport Beach

We went to Newport Beach with Andrew's family over Labor Day weekend. It was so cold compared to Arizona! Here is a picture of me the entire time, pathetic I know.

Here's picture of a pigeon with bell-bottoms on. This bird had feathers all the way down its legs. I figured it was deformed as a result of so many kids peeing in the water.

This is a picture of Andrew's niece on the beach. I just thought it was a funny picture.

Neil diamond - america
Uploaded by catrin345

Neil Diamond - Sweet Caroline
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Neil Diamond - September morn
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Wonderful smell of rotting flesh

I have had the glorious opportunity to come into work this week and smell rotting flesh. It's been wonderful. The whole building smells so delightful! I've been looking for the corpse, but I still haven't found it. So has everyone else in the hospital. Seriously though, the smell was so bad that all of us had a huge headache by the end of the day. I think I'm going crazy, my nose won't accommodate to the smell!!! Get me out of here!

Ah, the state fair: the one true celebration of American culture

Katie and I enjoyed the gluttonous claptrap of rubbish, rides and rhubarb pie that is the Utah State Fair this weekend. While we were there I realized that the life of a carnie is the perfect retirement plan. All we would need to do is buy a big motor home, paint it black and spray paint some scary title on the side like, "The Mummies Tomb" or "Death Cave". Then charge kids $6.50 to go inside where the interior has fake spider webs hanging from the ceiling and a fake head in the oven and a bunch of other scary junk hanging all over the place. We could even change the "ride" from year to year (That way we could rip people off two years in a row) and instead of a "haunted house" make it a "fun house" where they can jump on the bed and spin around in the chairs and the gas from the stove is running the whole time so you stumble around a lot and see funny colors. We would spend our summers driving around from city to city living the dream of the carnie. 

 This years trip to the fair had a heightened sense of anticipation because I heard they were serving deep fat fried peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But the hype was for nothing, the sandwich was not very good. The failed PB&J experiment meant that the highlight of the fair was this blanket: 

 When I was a kid I remember going to the fair with my family once, I was probably 12 or 13. It was the first time my parents let me and my brother go off by ourselves the whole time we were there. They gave us some money, maybe $10 each or something, to spend on whatever we wanted. Instead of going on rides or buying cotton candy or a cool toy or something we spent all of our money going around to those booths boasting "World's largest Pig", "15 foot Alligator inside", "Come see the smallest horse alive!" etc., etc. I don't know why we didn't realize after the first one that they were a waste of money. Each time we would walk out thinking "that wasn't that cool". But yet once we rounded the corner and saw a big wooden sign with the words "World's Largest" painted in red letters we were hopelessly entranced and filled with hope and certainty that this time it would truly be an amazing sight definitely worth the $2.50. Kids are stupid. Well I wasn't fooled this time. Instead I spent my money on rigged games with worthless prizes and a PB&J slathered in 3 month old grease. Lesson learned.

 

Happy Anniversary, baby!

Yesterday was our 4th anniversary! Hooray!!! Here's what I found when I got home yesterday (pretty, huh?):

And a "card" that said:

Bear Lake Bonanza II: The Return to Bear Lake

Here's a little known fact: this isn't our camping spot. We just saw some chairs and decided to make this a special moment. Anyway, camping with Josh and Emalee is a lot of fun. I'm glad they decided to make the 1.5 hour drive up here.

We went to this ice cave in Paris, Idaho. Here's the only description suitable: cold and black.

Here's proof that we were in fact standing in front of a sign.

Bear Lake was pretty stinkin cold. These awesome people only played for about half an hour but Bennett played by himself for the rest of the time swimming down as far as he could until he rammed his face into the bottom of the lake. I'm not making this up people. He really did that for quite some time.

After spending the day at Bear Lake we rented these cool bikes and rode them around the town.

I love Bennett's face in this picture. What is he thinking?

Laid back, with my mind on my money and my money on my mind. Speaking of these lyrics, how's that ring tone treating ya mom? Bennett stole my moms phone and put that Snoop Dog song as her ring tone. I hope it goes off during class so her students can see how she rolls.